Some dinnertime musings…

So, I was at this wedding once and was about to pick up a beautiful little stuffed tomato to put on my plate. Since the caterer was restocking another dish nearby, I asked if the stuffed tomatoes were stuffed with meat.

“No, no,” she insisted. “No meat. Just some bacon.”

Such little differences of opinion have arisen often since I dropped meat from my diet almost four years ago. Bacon bits, shrimp, unidentifiable fish bits; all have been offered to me with the sweet assurance of being non-meat cuisine.  It seems that certain “cuts” of meatiness have found their way into an amorphous category of foods defined simply by their function (i.e. topping, stuffing, garnish), not their substance.

I’ve learned to just say “no” in these questionable situations.

More often than false assurance, though, I’ve encountered a perplexed response to this oh-so-ancient modus operandi. (Pythagoras and Plato were both veggie-heads, BTW).

“But,” they protest in disbelief, “If you don’t eat meat, what do you eat?”

The tone in this query is usually heavy with displeasure and, dare I add, accusation. My assuredly pathological approach to diet is more than questionable; it is absurd. What is a meal without meat?

“Good point,” I want to respond whilst munching on a carrot, “Clearly there are no food options that do not come from a Tyson plant or Swanson traveling steak truck.” Crunch, crunch.

But I resist falling prey to the allure of sarcasm…most of the time…

Then, of course, there is the assumption that I’m a tree hugging-bongo playing-grass eating-hemp snuffing-protestcentric-obnoxiously mouthy t-shirt wearing-one shower a week-hippie.

(Of course, I suppose all the yoga doesn’t help)…

Now, I have to add that I’ve encountered criticism and disdain from other vegetarians/vegans too. Regardless of how much I eliminate from my dinner plate, I am “encouraged” to make further cuts. It appears, for example, that I really should make my dogs eat a vegan diet, sermonizes crazy lady in local field-of-greens store.

“Ok then,” I think to myself, “I’ll let you explain this option to my dogs. Let me know how it goes.”

I have since decided that criticism is to be had whether one consumes an almond flaxseed burger or roadkill. Some folks seem to be under the impression that they have some sort of stake (pun absolutely intended) in others’ plates.

There is also the strange phenomenon of the unclassified edibles. That I simply cannot comprehend.

“Excuse me, miss, but bacon is most certainly meat.”

~Arrivederci

p.s. Can you imagine if I told people I don’t eat butter or margarine? The horror!