It is inevitable that for every up, there will be a down. (I’m actually fairly certain that there is even a scientific rule of sorts regarding this truth.) That part of this rigamarole of life, we will encounter the joyous and grievous, giddy and sad, success and defeat.
This week fell into the latter category.
(I will attempt to explain a bit while remaining mildly cryptic and, don’t worry, my plan is to end this post with a bit of hope and calm.)
My husband and I recently had excellent news concerning the plan for the next few years. After a long period of incredible feats of industriousness and perseverance on his part, he is accepted into medical school for this coming fall. To make this news even more impressive, he’s been pursuing medical school while working towards a PhD in English. He will graduate in May with a PhD, then August marks the beginning of his track to an MD. The medical school just “happens” to be in the same city where my family lives, so we are moving home.
Everyone has been so wonderfully effusive in their congratulations about this news. Even friends who we will move away from, and how painful that reality is, have been all smiles for us. They are genuinely happy for us.
Others, though, are not as supportive. They look at my husband’s accomplishments, the fact that I am leaving with him, and make several rather untoward assumptions. More than once this past week, and from different contexts (all, ironically, professional) I have heard variations of the following in regard to my own dissertation and doctoral degree: “What’s the point? You are just following your husband anyway.”
Now, the problem with this offense is more than emotional and psychological (although the toll in both is great). What has happened is that I am taken less seriously, my degree is seen as superfluous, and those who should be by professional honor helping me to finish and attain employment are stepping back. It seems that I am no longer worth their time and energy.
I am not really surprised by these assumptions and reactions, but it is difficult to rally when the hurdle of this degree has increased in size and complication. And, yes, it is this brand of bias that steers me away from the academy.
Yes, I am following my husband. The decision to pursue medical school was a joint one. For us, this path seems best, and we are incredibly blessed to be given the opportunity to begin traveling down it. Despite the naysayers, we are excited, together.
Since making this year one in which I am attempting to not just make pursuits possible realities, but become more aware about the intricacies of each attempt, I am choosing to face the present obstacle with the same degree of inquiry. What I am discovering is that I will always choose my marriage over career (not that this particular instance required this choice) I am not very career ambitious, and everyone needs to practice yoga.
Let me explain this last realization.
The people (all women, mind you) who have been less than encouraging this week all seem to struggle with eliminating drama from their day-to-day. They focus on the past and future, without allowing themselves to consider and enjoy the present. Practicing yoga has helped me marry the physical to the emotional, to breathe. By approaching each pose with specific intent, I’m learning to understand how to corral the mind. To breathe better, to pray better.
(Needless to say, I employed the yogic breath and many prayers through many meetings this week.)
I apologize for this digression. I am not intending to be negative or somber, but this week has been important for my self-awareness. I am also incredibly thankful that I have been nurturing productive distractions. Definitely divine foresight at play here.
I’m off to breathe.
~Arrivederci
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